Weak

I had a short, but awkward conversation earlier today. One of my instructors, the one who teaches Job Orientation specifically, asked me about my employment status. Whether I currently had a job, or still needed a job. I responded that I still needed a job. That was the extent of our conversation, except for our respective hellos at the beginning.

I worry that my words made me appear weak.

A fact that quietly haunts me is that I am one of (if not the) only people in my class that doesn't currently have a job. This fact was something I had to dodge around during a class later in the day. Several people mentioned the jobs they held.

I feel inadequate in comparison to my peers.

It's not that I don't want to have a job. It's just...being a student is a full-time thing for me right now. I am tired and stressed-out enough already. Adding a job on top of all that would likely result in me having a fully-fledged breakdown. I don't multi-task well.

It seems like everyone else is so much more experience, more competent, more...better.

I do what I can, but is it really enough? I don't think so.

Sometimes, I just want to run away from everything, and just hide. Forever.