My Dad is recovering. Last week, he was having really severe leg pains and was having difficulty walking even short distances. We think it was that a nerve was getting pinched, which was painful and made it hard to walk. It also made him tense up, which caused the muscles in his leg to pinch down on the nerve that much more, which only made things worse. He got checked out by a doctor, spent the last week taking medicine and resting, and seems to have (more or less) recovered.
This whole experience has been very stressful for all parties involved. I think I nearly had a nervous breakdown Sunday evening, but I got myself to calm down with a breathing exercise. (I'm not sure why, but it helps.) Although Dad is back on his feet, this mess has had an unsettling impact. It forced me to recognize that my parents aren't getting any younger, and by extension, neither am I. I looked at my life and found it to be lacking.
I'm twenty-four years old, unemployed, and living with my parents. I have some college education, but no degree, as I was academically dismissed due to low grades, which stemmed from personal problems (anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts). I have no friends and no acquaintances that I have spoken with in over a year. I don't leave the house very much. I am slowly becoming fearful and detached from what I view as "the outside world". I wonder if I can reconnect with it and whether or not it would be worth doing so.
As it stands, my life is pointless. I shamble from one day to the next, with no direction or aspirations to guide my steps. Back when I was in high school, I repeatedly had this dreadful feeling that if I were to just suddenly vanish, no one would even notice that I was gone. Or if they did notice, no one would care. That is how I feel now.
I should really go to bed soon. It is late, and I am tired.
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