Mourning Person

Last week, I was watching an episode of the web show "Beer and Board Games". They were playing a storytelling game, thrilling each other with stories from their pasts that might or might not be true. As I watched, I found myself playing along at home, trying to think up stories that I might tell, given the story prompt in play. One prompt in particular, "Teacher", dredged up some uncomfortable memories. However, I would like to share this, if only to put my grand question out and into the world.

Story Prompt: Teacher

When I was in High School, there was a substitute teacher that none of the students liked. I have no memory of what her name was. I fortunately only had her as a substitute a few times, though others around me were not so fortunate. From what I had heard, she was snappish, acerbic, and quick to tell people to stop doing something even when they were doing nothing wrong. I don't think a single member of the student body liked her, a thought that was only reinforced by the myriad of insulting nicknames she had been given.

The Prune. The Dinosaur. The Pterodactyl. The Bird Woman. The Human Wrinkle. (It should be mentioned that she was fairly old.) I'm sure there were other names, but these are the ones that I remember hearing.

And then, one day while at school, a rumor circulated that she had died. Whether this was true or not, I could not (and cannot) confirm. However, it was true that following the day of that rumor, I never saw her again.

This leads me to my grand question, one that I wondered then, and wonder now: How does one mourn the passing of someone they didn't like?

I don't want to say that I'm glad that she's gone (mostly because doing so makes me look like a huge jerk), but I certainly wasn't saddened by the news. If anything, my response on this topic then, as it is now, is one of indifference. I only had her as a substitute a few times at most, so my interactions were limited; I had little emotional investment in her life and death. Indeed, probably the only reason I remember and reflect on all of this is the dilemma that arose from all of it.

How does one mourn in a case like this? It would be unseemly to be outright celebrating her demise but at the same time, I feel no particular sorrow that she is gone. This whole thing is only made more awkward by the fact that she died several years ago. If I was going to mourn her death, I probably should have done it some years ago.

I will most likely continue my indifference. It's worked so far.