That Was All, Folks...

I have trouble with endings. More specifically, I have trouble seeing things ending. Case in point: less than an hour ago, I completed the game "Epic Battle Fantasy 4". I had fought my way up to the final showdown with the boss(es) but was reluctant to face off with them. But I did my research (I checked the walkthrough provided), I prepared the characters (improving equipment, boosting the level of attacks, buying food), and I set forth. The battle went more smoothly than I was expecting, and I was able to complete it without too much difficulty.

So why did it take me so long? Certainly, I've had multi-hour sessions of EBF4 in the past, contributing to sleeping problems I've been having earlier this month. (Usually, this was due to me encountering a boss and refusing to back down from the challenge, finding some piece of equipment needed to explore otherwise unreachable parts of the map or some combination of the two.) And yet, when I get to the final fight, the big battle I've been building towards, I'm barely budging forward.

I think it's that I know that with that fight, it will be over. Except I don't want it to be over.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Honestly, it's occurred enough that I've spotted a pattern. For example, I'll start watching some series online, viewing multiple episodes in one day at the beginning, but by the end, the numbers are reversed: it takes me multiple days just to watch one episode. Or perhaps I'm reading a book; I might be going through it at a decent clip at the beginning, but as I approach the end, I read less and less each day. I keep slowing down and slowing down, interested yet hesitant to see how it ends.

I'm reluctant to see the end because that means it really is over. There's a kind of finality that comes with the ending. I draw enjoyment from this thing, and by finishing it, that puts a halt on that enjoyment. Yes, I could go back and go through it once more, but it wouldn't have the same effect, especially if I've just finished it. It will be too familiar; when returning to something, I find it's better to hold off for a time so that when you come back, some parts are familiar and others are not. One gets to discover it all over again.

There is also the lack of stimulation. The thing that was so interesting and held my attention is now gone. I am left feeling adrift and uncertain. What am I to do with my time now?

Well, I can write about it, at least for a little while.

After that, move on, and try to find some new thing.