I hate praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. It's this prayer that our most recent priest insists upon doing, and I hate it. I also hate him a little, mostly because he is responsible for bringing about this nightmare. It's upwards of ten minutes of kneeling and chanting the same thing, over and over, fifty times. It is the worst prayer ever invented.
The prolonged kneeling hurts my body, and the repetition of the chanting dulls my mind. By the third set, my brain is going numb, which only makes the growing pain in my knees that much more noticeable. By the end of it all, I am stiff and achy; any good feelings I had are now dead and gone, replaced by pain and resentment.
It is very hard to think of a way to make the experience better. Certainly, I can think of ways to make it worse, mostly because I have had to endure them. Getting an altar server who has trouble reading or counting is a surefire way to slow things down. A common tactic is to have someone who doesn't speak clearly and creatively mispronounces their words so that "sorrowful" becomes "sour-full", and "for the sake" becomes either "for Satan", "forsaken", or "for steak sauce". Hands down, the worst version I had to suffer through was the one time this couple went up and sang the entirety of the Chaplet, effectively dragging it out for about three times its normal length.
It that happens again, I am getting up and leaving. I may give the excuse that I have to use the bathroom, but I am NOT sticking around, not again.
Just getting up and leaving, now there's an idea! Certainly, it's one that has occurred to other people. As soon as Father Paul turns his back, about twenty percent of the congregation gets up and exits. I was amongst their numbers one time. Skipping out on it is something I have tried for, though it has only worked out once. Usually, I am attending church with my Dad, and I don't have a good excuse to leave beyond "I hate this prayer and I don't want to do it." On the rare occasions that I was attending church by myself, we either ended up not doing the Chaplet, or I made the mistake of moving too far into the pew and got boxed in by someone sitting between me and the aisle.
But there was one time that everything worked out right. Learning from past mistakes, I made sure to sit right at the end of the aisle. When the time came and Father Paul announced it was time to pray the Chaplet, I waited for him to turn, then slipped out of my pew, genuflected, and joined the fifty-some other people making an early, hasty exit. It was exhilarating! Until I arrived home, my heart rate was slightly elevated, I had mild shortness of breath, and I was feeling a mild euphoria. It was everything I had wanted and hoped for, and more.
Sometimes I think about starting a petition that we stop praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I never go through with it, for several reasons. I don't think it would actually change anything in the prayer line-up. It seems like it would be a lot of work. I don't want to be the guy who made a huge deal out of it. It would make things really awkward for me and my family. I have a sneaking suspicion that such an act either is or would be considered sacrilegious.
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