Closure

 Yesterday, I lost my water bottle. I put it up where it would be out of the way, I left it for a few minutes, and when I went back to get it, it was gone. I was...put off by this. I didn't want to think that one of my co-workers stole it (it's a cheap plastic water bottle, so it's not like it's super-valuable anyway). The possibility that I had left it somewhere else and forgotten about it occurred to me (the days blur together; am I remember the events of today or of yesterday?) but was proven wrong. I even found myself hoping that I had simply forgotten it in my locker, a possibility I did not have much faith in. (How unfortunate is it when the best-case scenario is that you made some blockhead mistake?)

A little over an hour ago, at the end of my shift, I tried looking one last time. A co-worker asked me what I was looking for, and I told her about my water bottle. She pointed to where it had been and told me that someone had accidentally knocked it over. She told me that it might have broken, and also pointed out a nearby trash can where it might have been discarded. I checked inside the garbage can and found my missing water bottle. 

It was broken.

I was surprised to find myself relieved by this discovery. Yes, it is bothersome that it broke, but at the same time, I actually know for certain where it is (and the rough details of what happened to it). The uncertainty of this had been bothering me for the entirety of my shift. Now I can move on.

I am reminded of something I read; a historical piece set in colonial America. It regarded a group of settlers who observed Calvinism, a system of faith that holds that a select number of people will be admitted into Heaven, all others will be turned away, and that who's getting in is predetermined. The fear and uncertainty this generated was considerable, to put it mildly. One anecdote I remember is that of a woman who drowned her infant in a well before declaring that the matter was settled for good - she would be going to Hell. The idea that certain damnation is more appealing than uncertain salvation is one that is difficult to grasp.

Though, after tonight, I can appreciate it. No more time will be spent wondering, for there is nothing left to wonder about. The matter is over, you can move on with your life.